A Letter To A Friend

Dear friend,

Remember that time when we first met? I was nothing in your eyes and you were nothing in mine. We were strangers back then; shy to take the first move, yet somehow we managed to break that wall. I started chatting to you, made a joke and you burst out laughing. We became friends.

We built on our relationship by joking around and testing our trust. We moved unto secondary high school and our bond became stronger with every day.

You see, I was the one you kept to when the times were hard. I would joke around and you would laugh away. I was the only best friend you had back then and I would be there for you at every demand, every day of my life. When I was off ill, you would cry because no other friend could make your day. It was all quite flattering and our bond wasn't even broken by my family, who despite seeing our happy moments, blamed you as 'bad' influence. 

We took rides to and from school by bus. Our lessons at school were full of excitement as we counted down the minutes till our next lesson together. We sat together in our form room, chatting away, and exchanging secrets and gossip.
We would become breathless and our stomachs would ache as we laughed till we cried. We would get in trouble; sometimes we even got sent out, yet we still carried on staying cheerful.

Yet despite our closeness, things started changing. 

You started to fade away, you spent time away from me and stopped taking the bus home. You stopped laughing hysterically at my lame jokes, and you shut yourself away. Then you replaced me. 
We were back to being strangers again. 

Now I sit far away in the corner watching you laugh away with my replacement. I see the smile on your face that I once used to cause. I spend my break time and lunchtime away from you and our favourite spot. It makes me sick nowadays. I feel like I've lost something which built me up. I cry endlessly yet my cries and screams may never be heard.

You are a ghost, a shadow... Lingering behind me and following my lost footsteps. It seems like I don't smile anymore, I seek attention yet I get none. I've become someone different, someone torn and scarred.
I hate your presence yet I miss you dearly. I sometimes catch a glimpse of you, smiling away with your new friend as I sit alone. Your laughs echo through the classroom and this time you and your friend get in trouble, not me.

I spend my time after school like its some curse. I try to chat to you on social websites yet you barely ever answer. I feel like I've lost something of great value, and indeed I have. School isn't the same, no, wait...life isn't the same. And it never will be.

Sometimes I see you walk past with your 'friend'. Both of you smiling and chatting up random students. You wander around the school as if to catch me out alone. I have tried all sorts of groups and I finally found one were I fit in. Yet it still isn't the same; I feel embarrassed for I have been rejected by you. 

I hope that one day, when I am dying, you will hold my hand and whisper "Sorry" as tears fall down your face. I want nothing more, just the word sorry. Sorry for leaving me, ignoring me and hurting me. Sorry for rejecting and abandoning me.

Sorry, its such a word, such a powerful meaning....And it would justify your choices, actions and words...
I am sorry...
Goodbye!

Sincerely, 
Your Forgotten Friend